You have what?

New neighbors moved into the neighborhood....

Said neighbor drives a noisy truck (annoying, I know) with a replica of a male body part hanging off the back. The worst part? They are saggy.

WTF? What kind of person has saggy b @ ll $ hanging on the back of their truck?

Annoying, no? Me thinks so.

Annoyed, slightly.

As you may recall, our trash can recently went missing. We're not sure how.. but we have our guesses.

Anyway, as I was driving through the neighborhood.. I had to check out every one's garbage cans. The neighbor that drives me nuts (read: I want to run him over every time I see him or his kids...) has two trash bins that look like ours. I'm slightly suspicious.

On another note, the annoying neighbor added another notch to his annoying-ness belt.. his son and his friends skateboard in the freakin' road. And to make matters worse, they don't care to move out of any one's way. Let's see here, dude... little kid or car? Who is going to win that battle?

Seriously, who plays chicken with cars?

Ugh. The case of the missing trash can continues. Until I find it, I'm totally blaming the annoying neighbor because he has two trash cans just.like.mine.

While we're on the subject of neighbors, one of the neighbors recently was trying to get the gutter cleaners' attention. They were of Hispanic decent. He says to one of the guys very slowly, "Excuse.... me..... do...... you..... speak.... Ingles?" The gutter-dude's response? In very clear English, "Yes. Why?" I chuckled under my breath and walked away.

Nice.

Don't worry, S & C-- you're clearly not the suspects OR the gutter mishap.

Things I Cannot Stand...

Recently, it's come to my attention (from hubby) that I have a few strange things that I often comment that I cannot stand. I'm going to list them and then rationalize or attempt to explain why I cannot stand them.

• People who fertilize their lawns. Please, do more to pollute the groundwater. After all, if I don't get poisoned by it, my children or grandchildren might. So thanks in advance for that.
• People who drive slowly in the "fast lane". Come on. I want to travel faster than you are currently driving. Please get over. Now.
• Drivers who have their music so loud that I can hear it in my car with my windows up. News flash! Not everyone shares your taste in music. I want to listen to the music playing on my radio, not the music you are blaring.
• The man at Borders who always tells me I gave him the wrong number. He waits until I'm finished to start typing in the number. HELLO, dude.. if you wait until I'm finished rattling off the numbers, the higher YOUR chances become of screwing up the phone number. I'm not a complete moron. I know my freakin' phone number.
• People who water their lawns. Allow me to explain... I think it's horrible to waste water, especially perfectly good drinking water. If you use rain water or run-off, I'm okay with your choice. I just cannot stand that people waste water to water their lawns. I would like to have something to drink in the future. Thanks. And yes, my parents fall into this category and they are VERY well aware of my stance on it.
• Dog owners who do not pick up after their dogs in public places. HELLO! Dogs have business they do. Because you take them to an alternative location to do it, does not mean that you do not have to pick it up. There are children who run around in those public areas, then step in it, and then bring it to school and kindly ask their teacher to help them clean off their shoes. Thanks a lot, jerkface dog owner.
• People who wash their cars in their driveway. This goes along with the people who fertilize and water their lawns... those chemicals? They lead to the storm drain. The storm drain then leads to the local water sources (in my case, the Chesapeake Bay) or into the ground water. Again, you're poisoning me. Thanks.

Whew. I feel better getting that off my chest. If I offended you in any of my items, don't take it personally... or change your habits. I kid, I kid. (Kind of)

Whoa..

I was just looking through some pictures and came across this one....

Hubby asked so politely, "Wonder what you were looking at?"

I responded, "I don't know.. something that obviously didn't make me happy."

His thought? Some kid that was misbehaving.

I seriously feel for my kiddos if this is how I look at them when they make bad choices.

Recipe for a Better Mood....

Flowers from your husband? check.
New office supplies for your classroom? check
Chocolate? check.
Puppies who love to cuddle? check.

It was a long day. One of those that starts off good, but somehow morphs into a monster and you've got grumpy coming out of your ears. (The heat probably had something to do with it. My upper lip was sweating as I was teaching-- talk about GROSS.)

I promise... back to my normal, witty, sarcastic self tomorrow. Pinky swear.

An Open Letter...

Dear Anoop-Dogg/Anoop Desi,

While I love listening to you sing, I cannot stand the porn-stache. I know Brad Pitt rocked it for a while for a movie role, but it's Brad Pitt. I won't complain about anything he does because... well, he's Brad Pitt. You? Well, you're at the mercy of the voters in America. I'm not sure they appreciate throwing up in their mouths watching you sing.

Not cool.

K? Thanks!

Sincerely,
My Mid Mid-life Crisis

Can't Sleep...

Okay, I was just wandering around some blogs out there and came across something that really bothers me.

Typos. Seriously? Blogger has spell check. How do you have spelling errors on your blog? I can attempt to ignore the grammatical errors, but I cannot forgive the spelling errors. It takes an extra two seconds. Hit the damn ABC check button at the top before you publish.

I found a blog I really thought I would like. The girl was witty, snarky, and preppy- just how I like my blogs. But she had grammatical errors AND spelling errors. Un.for.give.able.

Grr..

You know it's been one of those days when the pizza guy comes and you want to punch him. In the face. Twice. In my defense, he had it coming.

He walks up and I greet him, "Good evening!" because I'm just that nice.

Walking up with a small pizza and a oven roasted sandwich... "Hi. Please sign."

As I'm signing, "Oh... you must be really hungry."

Yes, I am jackass. I've been eating carrots all day because I'm going out to dinner for fondue tonight and I'm on Weight Watchers and there aren't enough points in a week to fit a fondue night out with the girls into it!

Seriously, don't mess with me.

And for the record, the pizza and sandwich were for my husband. You know, the guy running a marathon this weekend. That's 26.2 miles. And yes he's hungry. Jerk.

ANTM

Anyone else think "America's Next Top Model" is a little... um.... annoying this cycle?

First the random space-type theme with Tyra acting like a robot. I could almost let that slide. Now we have Tyra eating a poisonous apple and pretending she can't remember the make-overs? Then Jay sweeping in and being Prince Charming?

ANTM, stick to just being a model show.

An Open Letter to Television

Dear TV execs,

Please find something that is at least mildly entertaining. Right now I'm not-so-much entertained by what you have to offer. In fact, I'd rather watch paint dry than the television shows you are offering me right now (with the exception of Project Runway).

Sincerely,
Me

Breaks my heart...

Today I had two heart breaking moments. The first was when I got to school. There was a cute little dog who clearly was not where he was supposed to be. Mind you, there was a very busy highway not even 100 yards from where he was. I called the number on his tag and there was no answer. So I left a message and called my mom (moms ALWAYS know what to do in every situation) and she suggested taking the little fella to his house to see if the neighbors knew anything. Of course, the neighbors knew of the dog because he was always out of his yard. I put the little guy back in his yard, after questioning the minds of the stupid owners who apparently don't care their beloved furry friend gets out of their yard. Not even 30 minutes later, the little guy was spotted across the way. Seriously, if you own a pet.. take care of the darn thing! If little fella can escape multiple times a day (I later heard from the school secretary that he frequents the school almost daily) and you don't care, find someone who does care. What is wrong with people?

Then as I was working with a little guy on subtraction (we've been working on it for four weeks and he still can't do it..) he broke down. Tears streaming down his face, shaking miserably. He looks up at me and says, "I don't want to be dumb my whole life!". I told him he wasn't dumb and that math can be hard. He told me his mom says he's dumb and his friends think he's dumb. Seriously, if you have children DO NOT EVER tell them they are dumb. Especially because, more than likely, you had some contributing factor (genes) to their intelligence. Even if your child is not the brightest crayon in the box, you should never sell them short because they have talents in one area or another. Children do not deserve to be told they cannot do anything. Seriously, what is wrong with people?

I'm less than impressed with the dog owners and the parents of this child. If you are a pet owner or a parent, please tell them how much they mean to you. Hug them. Love them. Please.

On a lighter note, I'm headed to an aerobics class tonight. I'm hoping it will spark some interest in working out again. I need to lose weight, pronto!

What the heck?!

Okay, so I was on my way to class today... driving approximately 75 mph on a pretty busy highway in the area (aren't they all busy in these parts?) when this car in front of me was veering to the left, then the right, and basically just annoying me. So I passed her. When I looked over at her (don't we all look to see who it is we're passing?) I notice she's reading. Not reading a map, not reading a recipe.. reading a freaking book! Seriously. I wanted to punch her. Who reads a freaking book while they are driving? What is wrong with people.

If I could see that woman now, I'd punch her. Twice. Just for being stupid.

And.. seriously, no Danielle Steele book is more important than my life. You know, the life she's putting in danger because she's an idiot who is driving a car while reading. Dumb.

thoughts...

So.. today while I was in class, I did some thinking that was, of course, not related to class in any way. Well, one thought was.. but I wasn't thinking about class like I'm sure the professor wanted me to be. And I may have written down all my thoughts (just so I wouldn't forget by the time I drove home). But for all he knew, I was taking notes. And I was. Just not about what he was saying.

First off.. ants. They are funny little creatures. At the beginning of my class there was just one ant. By the end of class, there were more than fifteen. Seriously, how do ants communicate so quickly? They can't text, email, or call... what do they do to send the message to the others? Weird. I wonder what ants sound like when they "talk".

Next... annoying people. Why do people get into conversations about how their job/school/principal/district/life sucks. And then proceed to compare with others. One says x random item at school sucks, the other has to top it with their sucky-ness. Seriously, if you think it sucks so bad, get a new job/school/principal/district/life. I may have said the second to last one out loud. But without the suck part. I just casually mentioned, "Maybe you should find a new school district to work for". Homegirl shot me a look. In my defense, I spent four hours listening to her and I said the same thing everyone else was thinking.

And the best thinking I did? Better ways to spend any given Tuesday night. Here's what I came up with. I know there are more. I just had to start listening to Mr. Lawyer Man talk about school cases that paved the way for my 1st Amendment Rights. Here's the list: sleeping, tv, mario kart, running (although.. probably I won't), baking, working on summer school stuff (it's actually kind of fun because summer school is way better than regular school), reading, and eating. I was really hungry. Instead? I was listening to Ms. Pity Party talk about why her school sucks.

I.don't.care.

On a lighter note, tomorrow I get to set up my classroom for summer school. I know all teachers can agree with the fun involved in this. Picking just the right bulletin board color, writing names on folders, door tags, name plates, etc, and arranging your classroom so it's just right. So the kiddos know just how fun you are because your room is the coolest. Kind of like a mullet. Business in the front, party in the back. I'm way serious as a professional, but I have a lot of fun and I'm probably the coolest teacher they will encounter. Ever.