Today a little guy had a "piece of candy" stuck in his tooth. He couldn't get it out and continued whining about it, so I sent him to the nurse. She sent back a note saying it was hopelessly stuck, nothing she could do, and he wasn't interested in letting her really try.
After about an hour of feeling pretty miserable (he said it felt like someone was punching him in the face) we were able to convince him that he should try floss.
To make a long story short, we were able to pull it out. Turns out it wasn't candy.. it was a piece of plastic that was REALLY stuck. Like.. took a lot of work to get it out.
When I finished? Another little guy turns to me and says, "You should be a dentist!"
In addition to teaching, caring for children, solving problems, keeping children safe, teaching them to read, and write, and do math, and nurturing a positive learning environment all while dealing with their special emotional/behavioral needs. I'm also a dentist.
I bet YOU didn't have to stick your hands in a 7 year olds mouth to pull out a piece of hard plastic. I know you're jealous.
We went on a field trip today to a corn maze. It was tons of fun. Unfortunately, not all of my friends could join us. Because I work in a special program for kids who are emotionally disturbed, they have to earn a ticket to go on the field trip. Basically, don't assault anyone, don't threaten anyone, and don't run away from school. They seem like pretty standard rules, I know.. but they are broken on an hourly basis.
When we returned from our field trip, one little guy who didn't make it turned to me and said, "You know what isn't fair?" Knowing full well this was going to be good, I said, "No, sweetie. What's not fair?" His reply? "You got to go on the field trip and you're not always safe. You climb on the counters-- that's not safe AND you didn't come to school yesterday-- that's REALLY not safe."
Apparently it's not safe for me to stay home from school when I have the flu. Who knew?
Dear Pups,
Remember how I told you not to go into the mud at the dog park and you chose not to listen? Yeah, that's why you had to get a bath tonight. I know how you feel about baths, and believe me, I don't always care to give you a bath (all the shaking is really a pain in my behind..) but I just can't have you running around the house with muddy paws. Especially you, Little Dog. You think your "Queen of the House" status is going to fly with muddy paws? Think again.
I promise you, I don't tell you to stay out of the mud because you're missing the world's greatest playground. In fact, the other dogs know well enough to stay out of it because they don't want baths, so it's not even like you were chasing other dogs in it and forgot the rules. No, no. You two were the only dogs playing in the mud like a bunch of pigs. Even when I shouted at you to come, you came like good little girls and then went right back into it.
I'm trying to make friends here and you keep ruining it for me because you just can't stay out of the mud. Do you think those other ladies want to be friends with the dirty dogs' mom? Nope. Do you think they are talking about us behind our backs once we leave? Yup.
How about tomorrow you just listen to me. I promise I'll make it worth your effort. Puppy ice cream, anyone?
Sincerely,
Your loving (and always right) Mommy
Setting: Computer Lab
Characters: My circus of a class + one very stressed out teacher (yours truly)
Little Man: Mrs. L! Mrs. L!
Me: (disgusted, as this is the eighteenth time I've had to remind him we don't shout for our teacher, we raise our hand and sit quietly) Little Man, what's the rule?
Little Man: I know the rule, but.. but... ugh.. (raises his hand)
Me: (nice teacher voice) Yes, Little Man. Do you have a question?
Little Man: Mrs. L, where's the shit key?
Me: Say what?
Little Man: The shit key! They want me to press the shit key and then a.
Me: The shiFt key? That's the one with the arrow.
Little Man: Ohhhh... why do they call it the shit key?
Me: They don't. It's the shiFFFFFt key.
Little Man: That doesn't make any sense... I'm confused.
Me: (attempting not to laugh) When you press it, it shifts the lowercase a to an uppercase a.
Little Man: Ahhh... so it's not the naughty word key.
Me: No, no it's not.
Okay, I know I've been a little... uh...absent.
But I have good reasons, er, excuses. First off, I attended not one but two weddings this weekend. One in Pittsburgh on Friday and then one in DC on Saturday. So I drove over 500 miles in 24 hours and that left very little time to blog.
Oh! And? Hubby.. well, his computer crashed. And by crashed, I mean water spilled. All over it. We're not quite sure how it happened. It either involved a tipsy hubby who was a little overzealous with his water OR a puppy with a wicked tail wag. Either way, we're down a computer and neither of us knows how to share. *Yes, I realize I teach little ones, I teach them to share everyday, but I just.cannot.for.the.life.of.me share my computer.
Probably the biggest reason I've been absent? I've been reading The Pioneer Woman's Love Story: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels. If you haven't heard of Pioneer Woman, you don't know what you're missing. Seriously. You'll be so obsessed with reading her love story. It's straight from the heart, eloquently written, and totally consumes your life. Thankfully I was lucky enough to be able to read start to finish. My online google chat best friend, Jessica, wasn't quite so lucky. She was stuck waiting ever so patiently for the next chapter, begging for more.
So.. go read. You'll thank me later. Seriously. (Mom-- this means you, too! Be careful, though, you might need tissues. And 12 hours to waste)
Oh Little Zoey puppy, whatever shall we do with your lazy little self? You are always finding ways to show us the ultimate in lazy living. I mean, those pillows? They were put there while Daddy was folding clothes and you just had to lay there. (It should be known that she climbed OVER the pillows, dug around, turned in two circles and plopped herself down Right.There.)
This? This is what happens when you become lazy. Mommy thinks it's just too fun to dress you up.
I'm sorry for dressing you up like little red riding hood, but I just couldn't resist. You're too cute and too willing to do whatever I ask you to do. Except get in the bathtub, of course. I mean, why on Earth would I want to make you clean? Sheesh.
Love,
Mommy
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