Ohhhhh em geeeee

Mommy surprised me for my birthday weekend AND I'm posting from my NEW iPad. Officially the luckiest girl in the world. (we won't mention that I'm knocking on thirty's door.. Mmmmkay?)

I'll post details and the video of Mommy, BFF, and roomie pulling off the surprise.

For now? I'll be busy with my iPad.

...investment

I'm kind of sort of thinking I need to invest in a filter. A filter for my brain that goes all the way to my mouth.

 

Seriously, not a day goes by that I don't think, "Quit sticking your foot in your mouth!". I mean, it starts to get a little questionable when I realize that I may or may not have a direct impact on molding the minds of our youth. And, I'm pretty sure the little faces staring at me are pretty young and still quite impressionable.

 

Here's the low-down...allow me to set the scene.

 

We're doing read aloud time when one of the boys asks if we can read the book about fire trucks and other emergency vehicles. Since I'm, without a doubt, the world's best teacher, I immediately shouted, "I can't wait to hear all about fire trucks! I know we're going to learn so much reading this book." yada, yada, yada.

 

As we're reading along, one of the boys remarks, "That truck looks a lot like a po-lease car. They both got lights on top." Ah, we're making connections to the text. Good readers make connections. I have taught them something! I'm so pleased. I'll follow up and see what else they know about these types of emergency vehicles.

 

"Fire trucks and po-lease cars can run red lights and stop signs because they have to get to there quick!" (I SO wanted to correct his use of quick.. it totally should have been quickly because it's an adverb, but I just couldn't bring myself to correct him when we were learning so much!)

 

"You're right. Police cars and fire trucks drive quickly and run red lights and stop signs when it's safe to do so. Did you know Ms. L had the opportunity to ride in a police car? The police car was going very fast and we ran a lot of red lights and stop signs. It was really neat!"

 

"I rode in a po-lease car. Did you go to jail, too?"

 

Wait. Hold up. Crap. Oh no. What have I done? I just admitted to these little boys that I rode in a police car. Normally people only ride in a police car if they are under arrest, you know under lock and key with handcuffs on. Oi. This isn't looking good for my teacher of the year award.

 

I then had to back track and explain that I have a friend who is a police officer and I rode in his car (is it your boyfriend?!) when he was working and we went to a call that required him to turn on his lights and sirens.

 

How much do you want to bet NONE of them heard that and go home to tell their parents their teacher rode in a cop car because she was under arrest?

Have you seen them?

I may have lost my marbles. Quite literally. And figuratively.

 

Literally? Well, roomie handed me two red marbles and said, "I wanted to return these to you. Nahla (her dog) was chewing on them. I'm so sorry, I'm not sure when she got them, but here they are." I stared blankly. Continued to stare blankly. She then replied, "They are yours, right? They aren't mine. So they have to be yours." Blank stare. "Uh.. I have no idea what those are or where they came from. They aren't mine."

 

Fast forward a week...

 

The roommate walks in and says, "Hey L, I found some more of those marbles. This time Zoey was eating them. Are you sure they aren't yours? Zoey was chewing on them in your bed. And last week when Nahla had them, she came from your room."

 

I'm positive they aren't mine. But they keep coming from my room. And I have no idea where the dogs could have found these marbles. Seriously, nothing in my life has marbles in it. It's not like there's some decoration with marbles. Or a toy with marbles. But, the dogs keep finding marbles in my room. I think they are doing it to torture me. It's working.

 

Figuratively?

 

Well.. work is a big ball of stress. My kiddos are having a hard time with the addition of our new old friend. As a result, I only get

approximately .08% of the teaching done I should be doing. And I spend a lot of time sighing, banging my head, and cursing inside my brain.

 

Yup. That's how we roll around here. Marbles are everywhere!

I'll take my nominations now..

You know, for teacher of the year.

 

I had a bit of a, uhm, slip of the tongue. Err.. chalk.

 

We were doing doubles and I had a great story about twins who have everything the same, including the same number of toys. So I was drawing a picture to show them holding their toys. Unfortunately, the picture wasn't quite anatomically correct in terms of the toy holding. It wasn't until I began counting (placing the dots in the center) that I realized what I had done. My assistant was laughing so hard he was crying. You know, because I drew flippin' boobs on stick people and made them almost anatomically correct.

 

Dear Lord, please tell me when I'll stop sticking my foot in my mouth while teaching. Or is this all I have to look forward to?

 

At least it provides a laugh.

Whoa.

I just said "fat chance" in a large room full of my peers, and some professionals who are higher up. Much higher up.

 

My bad.

Tales of a 10 Year Reunion..

I think I might have thrown up a bit in my mouth. I mean, no chance I am old enough to have just survived my 10 year reunion. Stop the presses, you might all be able to figure out how old I am. Don't you dare judge me.

 

Moving along. You know, to the meat and potatoes of this post.

 

So.. you know how everyone is thinking and looking to find who has gained the most weight... is the most successful... who fell from grace.. etc. Never fear. I'm the fattest. Nice, huh? Yup, skinny girl went off and ate everything she could put her fingers on for the last 10 years, making her gain approximately 987 pounds. Making her the fattest at her 10 year reunion. Nice.

 

Oh, and let's not forget..everyone was all like, "Oh! You're divorced?" Yup. My husband went off and left me. Probably because I ate too much. Props to the friend who couldn't believe that any many on the face of the earth would leave a woman like me. He's now officially my hero. Too bad he's getting married.

 

I got the pity vote, too. My dad just died. Booyah! Bonus points for me. I'm the fat, divorced, half orphaned girl. Sweet.

 

In all seriousness (yes, I'm capable of being serious!) I had a great time. I saw some faces I haven't seen in 10 years (minus pictures on facebook, of course. Which totally made it difficult because you kinda sorta knew what everyone was up to via facebook stalking, pictures, and status updates) and oddly enough, the majority of the crew wasn't my crew from high school, which was totally cool.

 

We chatted, had a few adult beverages, sang karaoke (not me!), and had many laughs. We brought up old memories, while making new ones.

 

Totally cool.

 

And please let me know why I have like 72 instances of using parenthesis?