Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Missing Him..

They say time heals all wounds. And I'm sure after a good amount of time has passed, that's probably true. A year, however, is just not enough time.

In the next couple of weeks, I will be tackling some big hurdles.

First up? Thanksgiving. One of my dad's favorite holidays. He loved Thanksgiving because we had all of our family together (an event that only happens once a year) and we ate ourselves sick. My dad loved his family and his food. While I'm thankful I will still get the opportunity to spend time with family, a huge hole will be there. A black cloud hanging over the holiday.

I used to cook with my dad by my side. While it wasn't always pretty (we ALWAYS seemed to run in to eachother and my parents kitchen is not small by any means) and there was sure to be a comment under our breath aimed toward other, it will be lonely without him there. It will be painfully lonely in the kitchen.

A few short weeks after that hurdle, we will have made it one year without my father. It makes me break out in a sweat just thinking about it. A year. Three hundred sixty five days without my dad. I've done a lot in those days, but it just seems so unreal. I will no longer measure his passing in months, I'll switch to years. How? How has it been a year?

After that? Oh.. that big holiday. Christmas. His second favorite holiday. We're not really celebrating it this year. Instead of white snowflakes, we'll be laying on the white beaches of Curacao. It will be a wonderful vacation, I'm sure. But again, that hole. The big, gaping hole that will be in our hearts. He will not be there. Do we know how to travel without him? I'm not sure. There has never been a time, that I can remember, that I went on a vacation with the entire family, without my dad. How will we make it through? Will we smile knowing he is with us? When my brother laughs, it's my dad's laugh. When he smiles, it's my dad. Heck, just looking at my brother, we see my dad. But yet, he's not there. I know he's "with us in spirit" but sometimes spirit just isn't enough.

I have a heavy heart these days. And the next couple of weeks will only add to that. While I'm blessed to have a wonderful family and I wouldn't trade them for the world, I do wish for one more day with him. One more day to hear his laugh. One more hug. One more I love you. One more...everything.

I pray that my family and I can make it through these next couple of weeks.


...this girl's life... said...

We'll all be missing him this holiday season and every one after. It just won't be the same without him there. I love you lots and I'll help you through it. It won't be the same as having him there, but if you want company in the kitchen, I'll gladly come help...just say the word and I'll be there.

The Pink Putter said...

I can only imagine that pain that you and your family will go through this holiday season. You are in my prayers.