The 600 Pound Mother

Last week we were learning about polar bears. We read books, we played games, we researched important facts, etc. You know, all the cool things about Polar Bears.

Me: "I can't believe a female Polar Bear can weigh almost 600 pounds! I better write that fact down so I don't forget."

Little Guy: "My Mom weighs 600 pounds. Well, she lost 30 pounds so I guess she only weighs 570 pounds. But she used to be as big as a polar bear."

I'm sure his mom would love to know that he thinks she weighs 600 pounds and used to be as big as a polar bear.

The One Where She Almost Kills Herself..

I almost died tonight. Using a neti pot.

Apparently they don't work well when your nose is so clogged you can't breathe. The liquid went in the back of my throat, causing me to choke and subsequently inhale the special saline solution. I choked. A lot. I gagged. And I even threw up a bit.

The throwing up part was when I knew I was alive.

Zoey would have saved me, right? I'm sure the lack of opposable thumbs wouldn't have mattered when it came to doing the Heimlich maneuver. She would have figured it out.

Note to self: unclog your nose before doing the neti pot, or you could choke.

PS-- blogger apparently doesn't recognize the word opposable. I had to google it to make sure I spelled it correctly. I outsmarted spell check. I'm that awesome.

HELP!

I ordered a book from an amazon vendor and the book was described to be in very good condition. I took this to mean that it was, literally, in very good condition.

Upon receipt of the book I realized the edges were tattered and there was highlighting throughout. Am I just being too OCD or do you think I was misled? I don't normally complain, but I'm a little neurotic about the highlighting-- I don't mind it if I do it, or if it's neat, but this is different colored, and very sloppy. I did save about 50% by buying through this seller, but I just feel like I got duped. Thoughts?

I don't want to leave negative feedback, but very good to mean means little use and no highlighting. I would have said it was in good condition AND noted the highlighting.

HELP!

Faking It

It's really hard to fake it when you don't feel well. Any of you teachers out there know exactly what I mean. We have to make it look like we care a lot more than we really do about little Johnny's boo-boo, thus faking it.

 

When you feel like you got run over by a semi? You just can't fake it.

broken

I miss him.

A lot.

We'll never be this again.

Everyone says to hold on to the memories, but I feel like the memories are fading. I am having trouble remembering his laugh. I can't remember the last conversation I had with him. Our lives will never be the same without him. I can't hug my dad ever again.

Mostly it just hurts.



Dear Bachelor Brad,

Dearest Brad.. I know I'm a little late on this, as I'm still catching up on my DVR, but you have to know that Michelle is crazy. Seriously, this girl is cah-razy.

I mean, why does it always have to be about her? Especially when she's just not right. Her birthday? Nobody cares. Stalking the other girls during their time with him? Get a life. The world does not revolve around Michelle.

Thanks.

Sincerely,
Lori

Snow Day

Monday night's forecast called for snow, freezing rain, and some sleet. Knowing that, I rocked the pj's inside out. You know, to prepare for a snow day.

 

Not only did I rock the pj's inside out, I committed. I rocked the panties inside out. That's dedication, folks. Ded-i-ca-tion.

 

Ah, the luxury of being a teacher.

 

Oh and the roads? Cleared by 10:30, meaning I was able to run errands and drive around.