Friday, April 30, 2010

Grump

With a capital G.
 
I'm hormonal. I'm emotional. I'm basically a wreck. I'm stressed with work, not with the kids, but with the grown ups. I'm tired of working in an environment that feels like high school all over again. People talking about you behind your back, being petty, and making up lies.
 
I'm not sure when it changed from being about doing what's best for the kids to full on hating someone because they stood up for what they believed in, but it did. And because of that, I'm exhausted. I spend all day "faking it" in front of the kids. That's not to say that I'm not a genuine person, but sometimes..just sometimes.. when they tell me someone called them a name, I have to pretend like I care. I have to pretend like everything I teach is the best thing in the world. It's a lot of work being chipper all the time. And now? I'm stuck faking it in front of adults, my co-workers. The same people who are in the world of education because they want to make a difference in the lives of children. Unless, of course, what's right isn't what they want to do.
 
I'm just exhausted. I'm a mess. I'm taking out my problems on my kids and I feel like a horrible teacher. I feel like nothing I do is right in certain people's eyes. I know it should never be about them or their views, but I hate working on a team that is dysfunctional. Because then? Then we're letting down the kids and that's not fair.
 
And now? Now I'm going to go pretend like it doesn't bother me and hold my head high because I know that the minute I let them know it gets to me, they've won. And that makes me feel like I'm in 9th grade again. Not an adult.

4 comments:

Ashley said...

Ugh..what a bummer-- is it the team or the leadership

Seasoned with Words said...

Just throwing this out there, but would you like to do a guest post on my blog while I'm on vacation? Let me know. :)

my email is: rideabike@gmail.com

Lil' Woman said...

Isn't it sad when grownups act like their students....all that petty stuff is bullshit

Lori's Mom said...

You have the right idea - hold your head up high, little one! Don't descend to their level of immaturity. Don't talk about them. Just remember that your job is caring for and teaching your adorable kids. As for the adults, well, some day maybe they'll remember that teaching is about the students and not about the politics . . . maybe they'll remember . . . but in the meantime, ignore the dolts! : ) Cuz you know I love ya!