Monday, September 13, 2010

Tears.

I'm pretty sure I'm overly exhausted, but I just cried hysterically on the phone with my mother because my camera is broken. In my defense, though, it was a gift from my grandmother and she has since passed. It was a wedding gift, so on top of being sad that my camera broke and that it was going to cost me at least $150, I was also reminded that I have a failed marriage under my belt.

While I'm normally able to handle the flood of emotions that often come when you are grieving the loss of a marriage, it's almost crippling when you attempt to handle the grieving that comes along with a grandmother who has passed away. And to be completely honest with you, I'm not sure I've actually handled that grief. Unfortunately, she passed while the emotions were still very raw with the divorce. While I was okay handling one loss, two was not possible. It's only been recently that I've actually been able to come to terms with my grandmother's passing, which was difficult because she was the last grandparent and she passed while in the care of hospice. If you've ever gone through that, you understand the trauma that comes with it.

Combining the two at 9:30 at night? Not so good.

I'm going to run to bed. Thankfully, I have the day off tomorrow. Somehow I think those ice cream snickers I bought tonight, for no apparent reason, might come in handy. And, I had to buy a new duvet cover because Zoey ate M&M's on it and stained it. So at least I'll have ice cream snickers and a new duvet cover to cuddle with. Oh and Zoey. If I take her off my sh!t list.

7 comments:

Jenny said...

I'm so sorry.

Your post reminded me of my grandmother's death years ago. She gave me my first camera as a high school graduation gift. I used it all through college, when I worked on a cruise ship, and on our honeymoon. It broke at her funeral. The last picture I took with it was of my mother placing a flower on her mother's grave. I handled my grief by writing a poem about it. I'm not a poet but I felt a need to write that one.

I hope things get better.

Ashley said...

Blah what a bummer. I'm sorry that your night has been so terrible. My grandma was in hospice too and I can attest that it sucked. I can't even imagine how it feels to have both things stacked against you. Go to homegoods tomorrow and eat tons of ice cream!!!

Lizzie said...

I'm sorry you had a rough night. :( Wish I lived closer so I could be there for you...call me if you need anything! I miss you lots! LOVE YOU!

Lori's Mom said...

I love you!

Jessis said...

XO

Allison said...

*hugs*

I had a meltdown this past week too - probably the hardest I've cried since leaving Maryland...

It's always hard to deal with loss - especially to have several losses at once :(

p.s. on a totally unrelated note, the word verification characters below the comment box spell "splat" right now...just thought that was funny :)

Lil' Woman said...

I'm so sorry girl....big hugs your way!!!