Weird..

Went back to check on my "blog-a-versary" and was reading a few of my earlier posts. (My blog-a-versary has passed. I've been blogging for 2 years. Wow!)

It was really strange to read my early writings. It brought some emotions to the forefront. A few I wasn't really interested in reading ever again, mainly dealing with the ex. Even though it's been amicable, it's still weird to read those memories, re-live the emotions. I smiled a bit, cried a bit, and even laughed a time or two. It's all part of the journey, I suppose.

And..  I wasn't nearly as funny as I am now. Just sayin'.

Tunes...

I have this amazing skill of getting random songs stuck in my head for extended periods of time. It's almost as if my life has a soundtrack to it. Sometimes the songs come and go and sometimes they stay for a while, taking up residency for a day or two and probably killing off some really important knowledge I need to, you know, teach America's youth. I kid, I kid.

Sometimes, however, the lyrics actually have some meaning or relevance to what is going on in my life.

Currently, I have The Rolling Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want" stuck in my head (but of course, it's the Glee version, duh!) and can't seem to shake it. I think that there's meaning to it this time and I'm pretty sure it's trying to remind me that you can't take life too seriously. If you're not familiar with the lyrics, they go something like this: You can't always get what you want, no you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.

I think this is true of life. You can't always get what you want, but when you don't, you do get what you need. Take, for example, my marriage or rather, my divorce. It wasn't what I wanted, but clearly what I needed. Also, as I'm contemplating moving back to Michigan, I'm finding that it might be what I want, but not what I need. The same can be true for my current housing situation. I'm going to be homeless come July 1st, and while I thought I would be able to stay in my current rental, that's not what is in store for me. Apparently, there's somewhere else I need to be-- even if I don't want to be.

I don't want to get too in-depth about religion, because I truly believe it's a personal thing, but I think that's kind of how God plays into our lives. It's not about what we want, it's about what He has in store for us and filling a need we may not have even known we had. I do not believe in coincidences and I don't necessarily believe in fate, but I do think that there is something to be said for things happening for a reason. It's our job to find that reason.

And now, in writing this post... Miley Cyrus has taken up residency and now I'm stuck singing "The Climb". Oi vey. I'm singing a teenie-bopper song... what has my life come to?

Life IS Good...

Reasons why my life is good...

• I have amazing friends. Seriously, my friends are awesome. Whether it be an email checking in on me, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to laugh at life with- I have it covered. While I sometimes may be critical of myself, my life, or the great state I live in.. I have made some amazing friends here in Maryland. Lifelong friends. One, in particular, is the true definition of a great friend.
• My students. While they make my life extremely chaotic and sometimes make me want to say explitives, they truly are adorable and say the darndest things. "Ms. L, I LOVE science almost as much as I love you." Hello awesomeness! Kids who are excited about learning? Definite bonus.
• I have the world's best job.
• My family is extremely supportive without being suffocating. Mom lets me whine when I need to and tells me when I need to put on those big girl panties.
• I have a second chance at love. Not that I'm ready to make that jump for obvious reasons, but knowing that I have another chance to love again makes me smile.
• My friends have babies I get to enjoy and send back to their mama's when I want to!
• I feel like me again. It took a while to realize the me I had always known was missing, but now that I have her back, I refuse to give her up for anyone or anything. I like me. The real me.
• The power of positive thinking is truly amazing. Thinking positively makes your life positive.
• I am smiling on a regular basis because my life is good.
• I actually enjoy only answering to myself versus answering to a significant other. That's not to say that I don't want to get married ever again and share a life with someone, because I do, but when this first all went down, I was scared of being lonely. I hated being alone. I despised coming home to an empty house. Now I'm used to this lifestyle and I'm okay with it. I actually enjoy it. I am able to be me. I am making choices for ME and for nobody else.

Tell me friends, why is your life good?

A Little Bump in the Road...

This weekend, I watched a baby overnight. We're talking a real life baby. All of four months old. He was too adorable not to pinch his little cheeks and watch him giggle his heart out. Of course, I may have wanted to give him back to his mother after he puked on me and peed on me. Keep in mind, I used to nanny. I had my hands full with three kids under the age of three. I knew everything about childcare back in those days. Puke? No problem, I'd catch it before it happened. A little boy who gets excited about no diaper? Yup, I got that covered. Literally.

Apparently I was a little rusty. And apparently, my hormones kicked into high gear. If you would have asked me three years ago if I would be in this place in my life, I would have laughed at you and told you instead of watching babies, I'd be working on making my own. And up until about 7 months ago, I thought that was going to be the case. However, life had very different plans for me and that's not the situation I'm in right now. Don't think I didn't shed a few tears and have a serious talk with my body, reminding it that I have plenty of babymaking years in me and that someday, I hope it will happen for me.

But now is not the time. And for a brief (okay, maybe not that brief..) moment, I had a hard time with it.

Now? As I'm enjoying a glass of wine and getting myself ready for the week, I'm thankful I am where I am. And I'm thankful that my friends have babies so I can enjoy them from time to time. Even if they do pee on me.

Words of Wisdom...

Ad Astra per Aspera... Latin for "To the stars through difficulties"


I think this rings true in just about every aspect of my life, both personal and professional. Adversity is handed to us in many forms. It's not always about the what, it's about the how.

I'm a huge quote person. I think there is great value in words and these words really captured me. The funny part? I read it in school on a poster hanging on the wall. A poster I walk by every.single.day. A poster that I helped my co-worker make! Meaning, I wasn't able to notice those words until I really needed them. There they were, listed under the "Facts about Kansas". Yes, folks, it's Kansas' state motto.

And, since I'm still super dizzy from this vertigo, I feel like my head is already in the stars.

The One Like Miranda...

Don't know how many of you out there are Sex and the City fans, but I was quietly reminded of the episode when Miranda freaks out because she can't list her out-of-state parents as her emergency contact. I remember laughing about it when that episode aired. It was funny... and then it happened to me.

While at the doctor's office today, they went through the normal questions.. name, address, marital status, insurance, employer, etc. No biggie. I knew all those answers. She then got to the emergency contact and confirmed that the person I had listed was still a good contact. Um, no.. no my soon-to-be-ex-husband is not a good emergency contact. I told her my mother was a good contact. Gave the phone number and the address, no biggie. Until I got to the state part. The receptionists response? "Um, your mom is not a good emergency contact if she is out-of-state."

Excuse me? I'm already dizzy as can be (I have vertigo, apparently..) and feel like the room is spinning out of control and maybe, just maybe, I'll puke right on the floor without this bold statement that my mother is not a good emergency contact. But now? You've dissed my mama AND you're making me start to panic because WHO can be my emergency contact? Who do I pick? I have a lot of friends. A lot of good friends. How do I pick one to be my emergency contact? What if said friend doesn't have my mom's phone number (she will after I post this because darn it, I'm not going to panic about that tonight) and I'm laying in the middle of the hospital taking my very last breath and my mother doesn't even know?

Okay, yes.. a little dramatic... I got that. But, I was dizzy and the question caught me off guard. And I'm already secretly a little crazy about emergency situations. As in, I always need to know how to contact my parents when they are on vacation, at the grocery store, or sleeping. Or I feel the need to email my family my travel information when I go out of town. You know, just in case of an emergency. And don't even get me started about the panic that happens when I can't reach my mom on the phone. Cue dialing my dad. Then the house phone. Then mom's best friend. Right about that time? I'm ready to call every single local hospital to find out what happened. Only once has it been an emergency. And I still panic. Every.single.time.

So, single ladies out there- who is your emergency contact?

Bittersweet..

I'm SO thankful to be going back to my condo this evening, but I'm going to miss this...

and this....

but not this...

The Journey...

I want to share with you all some things I've learned along my short journey towards divorce. I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to share, maybe because I want to jot my emotions down.

• Even when you're lonely, it's better to be lonely than bitter and in a relationship that isn't working.
• Your emotions never follow a logical sequence. No matter how much you wish they would. One moment you might be on top of the world and the next you're picking yourself up off the ground.
• Friends are an amazing support! They are there for you and cheering for you when you are at your lowest and highest points.
• Eating alone is sometimes better. I found this out yesterday. I ate lunch alone and when I walked out, I realized that it was better to eat alone than to have to force conversation with someone I was angry with.
• You are stronger than you think you are.
• Sleeping in your old house isn't really as bad as you might think.
• Through this process, you find that you truly do enjoy your own company. You must first love yourself before you can love someone else. I didn't love who I was when I was married. Sure, there was a time I did, but the past year I became someone I didn't know. I didn't like the person staring back at me in the mirror. She was someone I didn't recognize. I like the person I have become and I know I will only continue to grow as the process continues.
• Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. If you're not laughing, who is going to?
• There are a lot of things in life we take for granted. Love is one of them.
• Every woman needs to know how to: pay bills, shovel the driveway, change a lock, reset the furnace, and attach a license plate. Doesn't mean you always have to do it, but you should know how to do it.
• There are good days and bad days, you have to be where you are and accept it.
• People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. It's your job to figure out why they came into your life, what they taught you, and how your experience with them made you a better person.
• Life is full of lessons. Learn from your mistakes.