Oh those kids I teach? They're pretty dah-ling..

You know I teach the naughty little ones. Empathy, compassion, and positive thinking are replaced by anger, jealousy, and horrible manners.

Unless someone took my kids and replaced them with decent human beings. Because last week and this week, they've been truly enjoyable. They have such wonderful souls.

One of our vocab words was wistful. I explained what it meant and we moved on. Later on in the day, a little one raises her hand and said, "Ms. L, do you ever feel wistful about your dad? You know, sad because things aren't the same?"

Tears. Instantly.

Later on, another friend was talking about how God is a spirit (this was during recess, I did not start this convo so I was letting it go until I got brought into it) and then I had to walk out to go potty. Apparently the little man had a friend who disagreed, so he said to her, "You know, God is a spirit. And so are dead people. That's how come Ms. L's dad is watching over her. Just like my Grandma. Do you think my Grandma and Ms. L's dad can meet in heaven? Then they can watch over both of us at the same time."

Holy-moly! When my IA told me that.. I lost it, again.

Basically, I'm a blubbering mess these days. Those kids will do it to you.

I can see the light..

Tomorrow is my last day with the kiddos. Part of me is sad.. but an even larger part is ready to bust out the champagne as soon as they leave. Seriously.

As I reflect, though, on this school year, I realize that I have grown a lot both personally and professionally.

Personally, this school year has been pretty rough. My marriage ended, I moved out of my house (and on my own for the first time), and I lost my grandmother. There have been some pretty dark times, but I've learned a lot about myself through these challenges. Life truly is a journey. And through this journey, I have made some lasting friendships that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

Professionally, it's been one of my toughest years as well. I have worked with some tough co-workers, challenging students, and an insane number of students were added to my class throughout the year. I started with 4 and ended with 10. I also added two assistants, meaning I was managing 10 students and 3 adults. That's a whole lot of crazy in one classroom. Again, I've learned a lot about myself as a teacher, as a woman, and as a leader. All of these things have not only challenged me, but changed me as a teacher and as a person. A change for the better, without a doubt. Although it hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies, it truly has been a time for growth.

Bring on the champagne. This teacher is ready for summer vacation!

Stress... and a marriage proposal...

Work has me stressed.to.the.max. I know, it's the story of all of our lives, but it isn't usually the story of my life. I'm just bogged down with lots of paperwork (welcome to the world of special education) and a whole lot of kids. I went from having 5 kids at the beginning of the year to 9 in the past two months. Normally it isn't that big of a deal, but both times I got new kids, it was multiple kids at the same time. In my classroom, any changes upset the apple cart and we go through a metamorphasis and a trial period of re-establishing the pecking order. Add to that a new assistant and the news of another student joining us. Needless to say, my class is chaotic. Again, I know most of you teachers out there are balancing life with 25+ kids, but my kids have some pretty intensive needs on top of living in extreme poverty. So when I'm not dealing with the emotions that come with teaching students who are emotionally disturbed, I'm dealing with issues like neglect, abuse, and being impoverished.

With all of the bad that comes with my job, it would be easy to have a negative attitude. And some days, I have to really remind myself that there are plenty of positives in my crazy classroom. Like the kids who are learning to read. Or the kids who ask if we can do more math. And even the kid who changes from saying f*ck you to I hate you. We are making progress. We are learning. And we are trying really hard to be decent human beings. So, even though it may be chaotic.. it's life. It's my life. It's their life. And we can have rainbows and butterflies in addition to our tarantulas and spider man. And yes, in a classroom full of boys.. we have LOTS of tarantulas and spider man. In fact, I have a kid who answers just about every question with tarantula or spider. With an eye raise, he'll give me the correct answer. And that's progress. Because at his old school, he never gave the correct answer.

And now to the marriage proposal. We were talking about marriage (it's been a theme lately and I'm not sure why...) and one kid asked me if I would ever marry a kid. I explained to him that no, adults don't marry kids because kids don't get married until they are adults. Not pleased with my response, he asked, "How about if you wait to marry that kid until he grows up to be a grown up?". I had to laugh and then asked, "What kid would want to marry his teacher? I can't imagine any teacher being that cool." He looked at me straight in the eye and said, "I want to marry you. Please wait until I'm a grown up and marry me."

Awww.. little dude, if only it were that simple.

Happy Tuesday!

Today started off with a meeting and in that meeting I won a $100 gift card to Wal-Mart! Hello awesome!

Then we had the dreaded 2 hour early dismissal day (we have them all week...). Students who are constantly surrounded by chaos really attach to routine. My kids could tell you our schedule in their sleep. I drill it in them, so they are always aware of what the day entails. Never a day goes by that I do not discuss our schedule in Morning Meeting. On days that there are changes, we discuss it at least 7,909 times. They are usually okay with it when I give them ample warning. For a week now, we have talked about how this week is going to be a little different, as we are leaving school 2 hours early. I even asked for their input on what we should do and when (of course, I made it seem like they were in control-- I really was.).

I thought they were totally ready for the change in schedule. Turns out, they weren't. The number of times I heard, "This is NOT what we do now!" or "What are we doing next?" and just plain tears? Approximately 9,873.

So now? I'm going to continue drilling in the new schedule in hopes that by Friday we'll accept the changes. Of course, that will be when we have to get ready to go back to our regular schedule.

And through this? I've learned that no matter how hard you try and prepare yourself for something new, it's always a little tough getting used to a "new normal". As much as I think I can't relate to my kids. I totally can. I'm getting used to a new normal. And sometimes? I want to scream and cry. But, being a responsible adult, I have to put on my big girl panties and accept the changes, accept the new normal, and take it all in stride, with a smile on my face and lots and lots of patience.

Mini-Me...

Ms. L and Mini-Me....

Sorry for the poor quality, it was taken on my phone. But how cute is this? Both dressed in black (with pink, natch!) both have short bobs, both blonde, both fair skinned. And the best part? Both drama queens. I'm not a drama queen in the aspect that I'm totally diva-ish and everything has to be my way. And I'm totally not drama queen in the way that I love to gossip and my life is filled with drama. I'm just dramatic.

As in, losing a mitten could put me over the edge. Oh, wait. That was Lil' Miss. But totally could have been me.

And yes, she's just as adorable as I am. Maybe even cuter.

Beautiful?

Today during work time, the kids were working hard so I walked over to check my email quickly. As I was walking back, I heard one kid tell another, "Shut up you b@stard!". Not knowing the circumstances, I immediately sent him back to his seat and moved his clip (behavior management tool in our school). When I went to talk it over with him, I asked him why he would call a friend that and reminded him that we only use velvet words in our classroom and the word he said was not a velvet word.

His response? "He told me you weren't the most beautiful-est teacher in the world. So I told him he was a b@stard."

Do you know how hard it is to discipline a child when you're laughing so hard you're crying?

He was really ready to throw down because his classmate didn't think I was the most beautiful-est teacher in the world.

Glad to know he thinks I'm beautiful.

Oh Summer School...

Summer school is always good for a chuckle, or two.

An actual conversation I had with a 7 year old today...

Student: (shouting)"Hey, you! HEY! I said hey, you!"
Me: "Um.. I know you can't be talking to me.. that's not a polite way to get my attention. Can you think of a nicer way?"
Student: (in hushed voice) "Hey, you!"
Me: (rolling my eyes..) "Maybe you could say excuse me?"
Student: "But I didn't fart."

Later on in the morning...

Student: "Yo mama's fat and so are you!"
Thanks, dude.. I needed that reassurance.

And a kid threw up on his sock, so I casually say to him.. "Hey, buddy.. let's take that sock off, ok? You don't want to walk around with throw up on them". To which he replied, "No. I like the throw up. It's red. Red is my favorite color. Now I have on red socks."

And no, I could not convince him to take the sock off.

Do you know how to treat a lady?

An actual scenario in my classroom today....

Me: Ugh. (rolling eyes at the students who are frustrating me)
Lil' One: Man, ya'll don't know how to treat a LADY!
Me: Say what?
Lil' One: I mean, you're not supposed to curse in front of ladies. You're not supposed to threaten a lady. And you're certainly not supposed to annoy a lady.
Me: Well said my friend, well said.

*Please keep in mind, all three of those situations (cursing, threats, annoyance) happened in my classroom today. They may happen on a daily basis. I'm just saying.

And.. on a side note: I AM FINISHED WITH MY PORTFOLIO! This class has taken up so much of my time that I'm breathing a sigh of relief and wondering if I should go and get a bottle of wine to celebrate with hubby tonight. Yes, it's been that bad.

Gee, thanks..

Today we were doing a little activity where the kids had to make two lists: Things I like to do and Things I don't like to do.

As I was reading through some of the responses, I noticed one that was particularly interesting.

"I lik to cum to skoll evreday to see my tchers prity face"

Translation: I like to come to school everyday to see my teachers pretty face

Yup, I'm pretty cool in the eyes of 7 year olds.. even if they can't spell very well.

Peach.

I seemed to have forgotten a little exchange I had with a kiddo today.

She was coloring a picture of me and came over and this is the conversation we had:

Girly: What color do I use for your face?
Me: Um.. what do you mean?
Girly: Well, my mom says you are white.
Me: Yeah, she's right.
Girly: But you're not white.
Me: What do you mean, I'm not white?
Girly: You're peach. Not white. Plus, if I colored with white.. well, you'd look like a ghost.

Another little one joined the conversation and said, "Oh! Mrs. L.. you're Princess Peach!"

The rest of the day? They called me princess, your highness, and princess Mrs. L.

Yeah.. I'm pretty much a big deal.

Feelings..

Today we wrote a little book about feelings. Writing about feelings for kids with severe emotional/behavioral problems is about like asking a blind person to see. It is very difficult.

However, my kids came up with, well.. just read for yourself.

I feel happy when.... "I am with Mrs. L", "I come to school" and "Mrs. L is happy"
I feel sad when... "Mrs. L moves my clip", "I leave school" and "I cannot play with Mrs. L"
I feel angry when..."Mrs. L doesn't come to school"


Seriously? These kids love me, don't they? I don't know why... I'm sometimes just plain moody. Of course, it's usually because someone screamed, "F*** You! I hate you!" at me. Then I'm the devil.

I am the center of their universe. Doesn't that just make you sad? Their parents should be the center of their universe, not their teacher.

I guess it's just because I'm that cool. (Hey, it's my blog- let me think what I want!)

Who Knew?

Today was one of those days. You know, the kind where someone looks at you funny and you'll either a) burst into tears, or b) rip their head off. I went back and forth between the two.

Apparently kids can sense that. Of course, it might have been because when someone said my name five times in the course of 2 seconds I snapped and said, "That's it! I'm changing my name. I will no longer answer to Mrs. L." And the little guy said, "Well, what will you answer to? I have to know what to call you when I need your help or want to give you a hug." How about that for a little wake up call that you're not really being nice teacher. Then my little darling walked up and gave me a hug and said, "I could tell you needed that. I'm a pretty good mime (yes, you read that correctly) reader."

Shoot. I thought I could fool them. I had to tell them that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and that's why I was a little grumpy today.

Later on I snapped at a little one and he said, "Ugh. Mrs. L, you sound just like my mom right now. Can you wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow, please?"

Sure thing, little man. That's why I'm going to bed at 8:30 tonight.

I might even try sleeping on hubby's side of the bed. You know, so I can wake up on the right side.

Vocabulary Lesson

My kids were talking today about a donk. I thought they said dump. They giggled at me and then whispered, "She doesn't know what it is!" They were right, I didn't.

I asked them to explain and they erupted into a fit of giggles.

One brave soul finally said, "You know, Mrs. L, a donk.. a bottom... a big bottom!"

To which I reply, "Like a ba-donk-a-donk?"

Even more laughter.

Oops. Silly white girl.

Seriously?

What would your response be to the 5 year old child who walks into your classroom and says, "I'm beginning to turn into a man!"

Um.. I'm not quite sure how to take that, little dude.

What about the little guy who is sobbing in your lap, snot dripping down about 2 inches, and he sniffs it back up? (He was crying because someone called him Mr. Smelly-feet) His feet do smell... I'm just saying...

Sometimes I wonder how I can keep a straight face when these kids are so upset about the awesome put-downs they are receiving.

Seriously? Man-boy and Mr. Smelly-feet... I do love that you provide such awesome blog material when I'm not feeling so well (stupid cold) and I can't even pretend to be humorous.

Hmm...

Is it bad when you tell your students, "If I hear my name one more time without a hand being raised, I'm taking a self time-out?!"

If it is, take my teaching certificate away. I had one of those days.

A self time-out is a time-out that the kids ask for to take a little break when something is frustrating them or they need to be away from the group. Sometimes I wish I could take them.


This was after:

• a kid flipped me off (not too uncommon)
• a kid "bucked" at me (when you step towards someone like you're going to hit them)
• my room was destroyed not once, but twice
• I had to break up a fight
• I had heard my name seriously 1,992 times without a hand being raised
• a kid put 15 circle counters in his mouth and I touched them after he spit them out
• a 6 year old told me to "shut the f*ck up!".. only he used the real words
• I had white paint ALL OVER my classroom because someone decided to walk on their hands that we had just painted to create hand print snowflakes

I think I kind of deserved a self time-out.

The only thing that made it better? The little guy who came up to me and said, "You look like you need a hug. A big bear hug. Where I don't let go until your angry thoughts go away."

Seriously, dude? You read my mind. Even though just two minutes before I wanted to kick you out of my classroom for playing hopscotch from chair to chair.

Random Musings...

These are the pumpkins my kiddos decorated. I, of course, had images of cute little pumpkin faces smiling brightly. Instead, this is what I got. I think they are quite funny. And totally representative of my kids. Look at the color mixing going on here!

This one even has the stem decorated!

In other news, I lost again this week! I'm down a total of 4.5 pounds. Only 11.5 to go! Now, I'll be honest.. I wasn't very good about logging my points this week, but I really feel like I consciously made better choices. Take last night for example. We were out to eat at a pub (not my choice) with a friend of hubby's. Instead of scarfing down the cheeseburger like I wanted to. I asked hubby to split chicken tenders with me and my appetizer was a side salad. That was a healthy choice and caused me to eat less in the end.

We've been invited to a Halloween party on Friday and I haven't a clue what we're going to wear. Anyone out there have any suggestions?

Birthday Girl

Tomorrow is my birthday! It's sort of a big one.. the big 2-5. You know, a quarter of a century.

It's pretty much how I thought of my blog title. You know, it's not a mid-life crisis because I'm really mid-midway through my life. Get it?

Again, I've been working on grad papers so my humor is a little off. Seriously, reading about collaborative problem solving and writing about group dynamics? A little dry.

On a brighter note, today was much quieter at school. I had two kiddos absent and the noise level decreased dramatically. It made me realize how much energy little kids have when I only had to keep an eye on 5 of them instead of 7.

Tired...

Whew. I'm exhausted. Why?

I thought you might ask...

Let me give you a run-down of my class. One kindergartener, three first graders, and three second graders. Three of those are extremely ADHD and do.not.stop.talking.ever. Top that off with two drama kings, two criers, and seven whiny little kids. Oh, and add in two who want my attention every second of the day.

All of that= a tired teacher.

My day consists of saying, "Excuse me?" "Please make good choices" "Don't do that!" "Say you're sorry" "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, thank you for not making me get to zero." "Is that a good choice?" "We don't say that in our classroom." "You're not sitting safely" "Criss-cross applesauce, spoons in your bowl" and many other choice phrases about 999,998 times. I'm beginning to think I'm a broken record.

The good news? This tired teacher loves her job. Even though the kids may whine, scream, shout, kick, tell me they hate me, and more... I still look forward to the hugs each and everyday. One kid told me today that I could have ten days off, and two kids shouted "NO! Don't leave us for ten days. We'd miss you too much. We would make bad choices if you weren't here!" That makes my day. Of course, they continue to make bad choices here and there, but they are learning and that's all I can ask for.

Name-Calling...

Apparently I'm a woser. A big, fat woser. [that's loser, but little guy can't pronounce his l's]

Annnnnd, if that wasn't bad enough... nobody wikes me.

All of this after the cutie destroyed half of my room. Seriously, it's like they know that nothing else bothers me, so they feel the urge to destroy my classroom. Call me every name in the book, just don't.touch.my.$hit.

Except he had to clean it all up. And that included the 198 word wall words that were in alphabetical order. Now he's spending his free time organizing it back to the way it was. I don't have the heart to tell him that probably half of it was out of order anyway. I was meaning to organize those one day....

Near-death experience...

Okay, so I might be exaggerating but it could have been deadly. I was cut with scissors today. In the face. Little man was handing me his paper with his scissors in his hand and he sliced my face. And by slice, I mean there was a big red mark.

I did make him feel pretty badly about hurting me. And he replied with, "I wouldn't hurt you on purpose, I love you!"

I suppose that made up for the scissor stabbing.

In related news, apparently I'm pretty cool among the under 10 crowd. Today I broke out in some g-rated song and my kids just couldn't believe that I knew the song! I thought it was hilarious. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I knew for a fact that I was older than half of their parents. I'm mid-twenties. Sweet.