Uh oh..

Friday is Field Day at my school. (for those of you not in the know... it's like a bunch of games played outside and the kids think it's really fun for the first 10 minutes, then it's just a pain in my behind.. but whatev.)

At my school, the teachers tend to eat the "picnic" lunch with their kids outside on a blanket-- it's an event, apparently. Well, on the menu is burgers or hot dogs. No biggie, huh? Wellllllll.. it is if you're a vegetarian. My kids don't know. It's never come up before. I know it's not that big of a deal, but I also know that I have a pretty big influence on these kids.

I just don't know how to handle it. I refuse to eat the meat, obviously, but I also don't want to deal with having to explain why I won't eat the hot dogs or hamburgers and having a classroom full of vegetarians who refuse to eat school lunch for the rest of the year and a bunch of angry parents who want to beat me because their kids won't eat anything because they want to be just like their cool teacher who doesn't eat meat. (That was a really long sentence, sorry..)

I guess I'll just eat a PB&J sandwich and say I didn't know I was supposed to eat a hot dog.

Vacation Ideas?

Alright ladies (and gentlemen?)... I need your help yet again.

Hubby and I are talking vacations. Here are some of the ideas we're tossing around.

• Ft. Lauderdale, FL and Key West- to explore the keys, duh.
• Glacier National Park- gotta visit before those glaciers melt.
• Arizona- to do some hiking, visit the Grand Canyon, etc. but hubby has one heck of a stress fracture and he's not so sure he'll be able to hike.

I suggested North/South Carolina, but we're not sure there will be enough to do to keep us busy. I'm a total beach bum, Hubby is not-- so we have to do some compromising, of course. Anyone out there know anything about vacationing in the Carolinas?

Any other suggestions? Keep in mind, we want it to be affordable so travel outside of the States is probably out of the question.

The advantages to doing the Carolinas would be the fact that we can drive, so we're not really stuck to any set schedule and can drive at our leisure. If we do Glacier National Park or Arizona, we're looking at a really long car ride- I'm not such a good co-pilot in the car- I'm either a horrible backseat (front seat?) driver or one heck of a sleeper.

What do we do?!

Do you know how to treat a lady?

An actual scenario in my classroom today....

Me: Ugh. (rolling eyes at the students who are frustrating me)
Lil' One: Man, ya'll don't know how to treat a LADY!
Me: Say what?
Lil' One: I mean, you're not supposed to curse in front of ladies. You're not supposed to threaten a lady. And you're certainly not supposed to annoy a lady.
Me: Well said my friend, well said.

*Please keep in mind, all three of those situations (cursing, threats, annoyance) happened in my classroom today. They may happen on a daily basis. I'm just saying.

And.. on a side note: I AM FINISHED WITH MY PORTFOLIO! This class has taken up so much of my time that I'm breathing a sigh of relief and wondering if I should go and get a bottle of wine to celebrate with hubby tonight. Yes, it's been that bad.

Recipe for a Better Mood....

Flowers from your husband? check.
New office supplies for your classroom? check
Chocolate? check.
Puppies who love to cuddle? check.

It was a long day. One of those that starts off good, but somehow morphs into a monster and you've got grumpy coming out of your ears. (The heat probably had something to do with it. My upper lip was sweating as I was teaching-- talk about GROSS.)

I promise... back to my normal, witty, sarcastic self tomorrow. Pinky swear.

That's Odd...

I just got back from the grocery store (note: it's currently 9:40) and while I was there I noticed two different families with school-aged children out and about doing their shopping. I'm no rocket scientist or parenting guru, but I am a teacher, and I know that if you're doing grocery shopping at 9 something on a Sunday night, then your child will not go to bed at a decent hour. Sleepy children= headache for their teacher.

I'm not judging, even though it sounds like I might be, but I think it's just unhealthy for kids to be out and about that late. I know there are some children who do not require 10-12 hours of sleep a night, but the average child does need to be in bed or winding down from the day at 9 something at night.

On a lighter note, I did manage to make a fool of myself in the grocery store parking lot. As I was just reaching to get in the car, I used the remote to unlock the car. Unfortunately I pushed the panic button. The loud honking caused me to drop my keys. Under the car. I definitely had to climb under part of the car to grab the keys while the car was in full blown panic-mode. I think they call those a panic button because we all tend to panic when we hit it!

Blonde hair: 3, Lori: 0

Blonde Moments...

Last night we were getting ready to play pictionary when I loudly* ask, "We have to draw with those little pencils? How do we get them out of the little holders? I know they always have little pencils, but these are just ridiculous!" Um.... hello, those are the markers for your spot, not the pencils you draw with. Oops.. blonde moment.

*I do not have an inside voice. No matter what I say, everyone is bound to hear it.

This morning I was getting all creative in paint when hubby asks me what I'm doing. I giggle to myself and say, isn't this guy creepy? I'm blogging about how this creepy guy is always on my email. every.day. He begins giggling.. he's like, I think you can just click the x above his head and he'll go away. Oops, my bad. Blonde moment numero dos.

He is pretty creepy looking. He looks like he really wants to have a face to face convo with me. I mean REALLY wants to talk to me. I'm glad hubby explained to me how to get him to go away. I kind of felt like he was always staring at me. Weird.

Seriously?

A man. Walking his cat. On a leash.

That might be the weirdest thing I've seen. Please keep in mind I work with disturbed children, it doesn't get much weirder than that... but a man walking a cat on a leash? That's just weird.

In other news.. check out this site that does up to the minute celebrity tweeting. Go here. It's like a mix of perezhilton and blogging all in one.

And? I turned in my project. Without a panic attack. At this point I couldn't care less (okay, that's a lie) about what my grade is. I'm just proud I managed to do it without having to be institutionalized or something.

More HELP needed!

Your mission, should you choose to accept it.....

Find a cute denim skirt that is not too scandalous (short) and not too grandma (long). You know, appropriate for summer without showing the booty.

I've already looked at Loft, GAP, Target and Old Navy. Any other suggestions?

Big Dog Lovin'

Big Dog doesn't often get too much of my attention because she is SUCH a daddy's girl. Seriously, that dog would do anything for hubby.. but she couldn't care less about me.

Big Dog also doesn't get much attention on the blog because she takes HORRIBLE pictures. She's so dark and shiny that when the flash goes off, it creates a huge glare. Plus, she's in constant motion so we always get blurry shots of her...

Until now! Take a look at the cuteness that is Big Dog!

She's at the vet. She's also standing on chairs at the vet. For some reason she feels like she's a human and should be on the chairs. Of course, we find it hilarious... so does the vet!
Look at that face! She looks like such a puppy there. I'm not going to lie, I'm glad she's not technically a puppy anymore because I wanted to ship her back to the Eastern Shore (where we got her) on an hourly basis. Yes, hourly. She was that naughty.

An Open Letter...

Dear Anoop-Dogg/Anoop Desi,

While I love listening to you sing, I cannot stand the porn-stache. I know Brad Pitt rocked it for a while for a movie role, but it's Brad Pitt. I won't complain about anything he does because... well, he's Brad Pitt. You? Well, you're at the mercy of the voters in America. I'm not sure they appreciate throwing up in their mouths watching you sing.

Not cool.

K? Thanks!

Sincerely,
My Mid Mid-life Crisis

Help!

Okay... I've never been one to be the domestic goddess... my cooking, cleaning, and general house tidying skills can prove it.

(This is where you come in, dear readers...)

How on EARTH do you iron a dress shirt correctly? Hubby normally takes his things to the dry cleaners, but we just bought some new shirts for him and he'd like to wear them. We're also talking about skipping out on the dry cleaners (to save some $$) and doing his things at home. This means lots and lots of ironing.

I'm so sad I can't live up to the ironing skills of the dry cleaners. Please, please, please (begging isn't pretty, but I must do it sometimes...) give me some tips. I would hate for hubby to have to go to work looking like a bum because his wife can't iron to save her life.*

*Yes, I do know we're living in 2009.. and husbands can do their own laundry/ironing... but I'm afraid hubby might burn the house down attempting to iron.

Crunch Time..

I didn't forget about you all... I've just been living at the library. I have a HUGE project due on Thursday. I'm pretty much at the make or break portion of my Master's Degree... and honestly, this project will be a pretty big deal in my degree.

Let's hope I can get through the next 3 days without having a nervous breakdown.

Until Thursday, you can find me at the library. It's too bad they aren't open past 9:00 pm. Don't they know I need to sleep here?

Funny Pups..

I have one dog who thinks anything is food and she simply cannot get enough of it. When we feed her, she's done eating in about .679 seconds. Big Dog (the lab) just inhales food. We joke that she can't even taste it because she eats it so fast.

On the other hand, we have to pretty much coerce Little Dog into eating. She wags her tail at us, often preferring our attention to her food. When she does finally dig in, she eats it one bite at a time like a little princess. She will pull a few pieces out and drop them on the floor to eat them one at a time.

It just kills Big Dog watching Little Dog eat. She sits so nicely next to her, just waiting for her to finish so she can lick the bowl. Little Dog revels in this and will drag it out even longer knowing that Big Dog is waiting.

Little Dog is such a snot sometimes.

Hello! My Name is...

Crazy.

Yes, I'm crazy. But I'm okay with it. I've come to accept it. Those around me have learned to love it.

I now have a better understanding for those who are crazy and can't do anything about it. Do you know how freakin' expensive crazy pills are? I just picked up my 90 day supply and it said, "You saved $603.00 by choosing generic!"

Excuse me? Was that six hundred and three dollars? No wonder the world is full of sick people, they can't afford the medicine! I cannot imagine life without insurance. If I had to fork over that much money on a regular basis, you'd find me crouched in a corner in full on panic-attack mode crying for my mom. Geesh.

I'm SO thankful for insurance (and so are my co-workers, husband, and dogs).

Turbulence...

I promised I'd give you more information about being locked in a bathroom at 30,000 feet.

I made the 1.5 hour flight back from Michigan on Monday evening. Unfortunately for me, the guy next to me was out cold for most of the flight. I had to pee really badly, but I didn't want to disturb him. With about 25 minutes left in the flight, the pilot came over the speaker and let us know that we would begin our descent and that we should fasten our seat belts. Of course I was like... "Um.. perhaps he doesn't realize that I can't wait 25 minutes to land.. " Thankfully, the man next to me woke up.

Rather than wet my pants, I ran to the bathroom. During that time we hit some major turbulence. Of course I was in the bathroom...

After being thrown around four or five times while peeing (do you know how hard it is to pee while being rocked around? I'm thankful I don't have to stand to pee.. I probably would have peed all over the place!) I finally stood up, attempted to wash my hands, and peeked my head out. The flight attendant was shouting to me, "Stay in there ma'am! Sit down and hold on! It is unsafe for you to be moving. LOCK THE DOOR. Do not come out until I tell you to!"

I'm not quite sure what she wanted me to hold on to, but I sat down and waited it out. I was thrown about a few times, but she pounded on the door and told me to run straight to my seat. Of course, we hit some more turbulence and I landed on some dude, the floor, and the some guy's lap.

Next time I think I'll just pee my pants. Ladies with anxiety should never be stuck in a bathroom on a shaking plane. It's just not good.

Pole Dancing...

Pole dancing... Sounds pretty crude, doesn't it? I'm sure you're all imagining a skinny version of me stripping and being really klassy. Well, turns out those ladies are on to something. It's an AMAZING work out. I could barely get out of bed the next day because my abs were not used to working out that much.

It's basically a step up from Pilate's and yoga, combining those techniques with dancing. I'll admit, I was pretty skeptical about it before going.. now I can't wait to go back and dance some more.

Sure, it had some "sexual" moves.. but there was not a guy in sight and about 10 overweight/under worked out gals attempting to dance. For those of us who vomit get annoyed with the idea of working out, it's a great work out. It's ideal for those ladies, like myself, who break out in hives at the thought of working out. Especially those with workout ADHD (you know, can't stand to do one activity for more than .6387 seconds).

It's okay, you can go back to picturing me dancing on a pole. Just make sure it's the skinny version you're imagining.

Whoa.

I have a lot to catch up on. Here's a run down, more for my sake than yours (you know, so I don't forget..), but I'm sure you'll eagerly anticipate my blogging about each topic.

1. pole dancing
2. new tattoo
3. stuck in a bathroom in the airplane while violently shaking up and down

I'll be back, promise.

Teacher of the Year, for sure..

I cannot believe I posted about jury duty when I had this to share.

One of my little guys was really ticking me off today. He kept getting into things, sticking things in his ears (gross), and generally bothering each one of us. Well, he had a hole in the knee of his pants and he kept making it bigger which was enough to make me go over the edge with him. I was NOT happy about this because I knew it meant I would have to deal with his mother who is a thorn in my side on a good day always pleasant.

At about the time I was about to go off on him I realized that the hole was thisclose to showing his undergarments. I sent him out to change his pants. I joked to my assistant that she should totally find the brightest pink pants she could find because I was super annoyed with him.

Instead? Girls jeans with teal sequins on the bottoms and his butt pockets, in a heart shape.

I died! Every time I looked at him I felt a teeeeeeenie bit better that he annoyed me so much because he was stuck wearing little girls jeans with sequins.

I think that means I'm a horrible person.

Blech.

I have jury duty tomorrow morning.

I'll be doing my civic duty the day before my spring break. With my luck? I'll get asked to sit on a murder trial or something and be sequestered or something crazy like that.

Let's hope they don't want me. It's probably the only time I have not wanted to get picked for something.

While the cat's away...

.. the mice will play? Um.. or not. Just trying to find something witty.

Anyway.. I know I've been MIA for a few days. I'm sure you were all happy to avoid the daily snark waiting to send the search parties and all, but I'm here.

The family I used to nanny for is in town visiting from Michigan so I've been busy playing tour guide and spending time with the family. It has been a lot of fun! We went down to the mall on Saturday, the National Zoo on Sunday (which was A.MAZ.ING, by the way!), and the National Aquarium in Baltimore today (also amazing). Tomorrow is back to reality.

Apparently my kids were terrors not so good in my absence, so it's time to whip them back into shape.

And... I may have jury duty Wednesday. I was lucky enough to avoid it today and tomorrow, but there's a chance I could get called Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday. I'm SO annoyed they do it for a week at a time. I simply cannot plan out my week if I don't know whether or not I'll be stuck in a courtroom. By the way.. what does one wear to jury duty? Hm..

A Lesson on Colors...

Today I did a lesson on colors and color words. We read the word purple and identified things in the room that were purple. We read green and found green things. Red and found red things, and so on. It was going great until we got to the color white.

Me: Boys, can you tell me something in the room that is white?
Cutie: Mrs. L is white! Look! She's white! I found something white.

Well, I guess you did.

Peeeeee---U!

Not only do I have to deal with tingly fingers and peeling skin (the burns from the paint stripper)....

I have two dogs with more gas than Exxon.

The horrible part? They look at each other like, "What was that?" and then go on with their business. Seriously... where are their manners?

The smell isn't fun, either.

PSA...

If something (like paint stripper?) warns that you should wear gloves while using it.... well, you should follow the directions.

Trust me.